A letter to my fear.

Dear Dad,

I write this to let you know that I love you.

But I hate everything you've done with a passion.

A hatred so strong I could never feel towards you because it would destroy me, it would destroy you, it would destroy us.

I want you to know that forgiveness is powerful, and I forgave you a long time ago.

Dad, I want you to know that I did put all those things you did in the past, but it's hard to leave them there. I try, I promise.

But you're not helping.

How am I supposed to leave the past locked and buried in the deepest place if you keep digging to find it and open it with that key I told you to throw a long time ago.

If you really do care, then please, stop digging.

And if not, that’s okay, I’ll keep burying it even deeper.

Dear dad, I don’t know what it was.

Perhaps you weren’t ready to be a father and raise your two daughters.

Perhaps you’ve just always been this way.

Maybe, the dark role you played as a father was and is the fear that I overcame and helped me be who I am today.

I guess I’ll have to thank you for that.

So dad, thank you

For making me a protective person by having to protect my sister.

For making me smarter and wiser, by seeing every single one of your lies and having to think before I speak, for I knew a single word could bring trouble.

For helping me walk this world with strong yet careful steps, for now, I analyze the path I’m in and try to make the best decisions.

For making me careless about what others think. Because if you, my father, could call me names and throw curses, damaging my brain like poison, later on healing itself and realizing it was just lies, that helped me realize that other people’s words can do nothing to me.

Thank you, for being an example of what I don’t want in a husband and father of my children. I’ll make sure they grow up without fearing the one who should be caring for them.

And thank you, for making me more loving and faster to forgive.

Dad, it took me a while to realize that hate destroys

And forgiveness is the only thing that keeps one sane and helps them move on.

So Dad, I know that while I write this you’ll still be digging,

And you won’t listen when I tell you to stop.

But that’s okay.

Because hurting me is what you do best,

And I’ll keep forgiving you and loving you

Because that’s...

That’s what I do best.

Dear dad, you’re no longer my fear.