A Letter To My Rapist

So yeah I know you'll never read this

And this is just some stupid childish crap

But I'm the spirit of maybe being normal again

Fuck you

I know how it feels.

I know exactly how it feels to cry in the shower so no one can hear you,

And waiting for everyone to fall asleep so you can fall apart,

For everything to hurt so bad you just want it all to end.

I know exactly how it feels.

I know how it feels to wake up at 2am soaked in sweat from your nightmare,

And skipping class just so you can catch your breath,

For your entire world to be spinning.

But

You will never know

You're not gonna understand my pain

And how some days, weeks, sometimes months I can't get out of bed

Because I'm too fucking scared

Are you happy, proud of yourself

Do you feel powerful now

Because you prove you could over power a 5 foot tall girl

Do you feel good knowing that I live in fear every day dreading school

Because you're there

And that I dislocated my knee so I could use an elevator

Cause you live in the stair

I haven't felt safe in 6 years

6 whole fucking years run by you

And was once not enough

Did you have to break me again and again

5 days a week 180 days a year

For what

To prove you were cool

To feel better about yourself

To get out your anger

Well I hope you don't think about me anymore

I hope that you can sleep easy every night

And I hope that you can have a relationship

Cause I can't

So yeah fuck you

But I'm done you aren't worth my time

You screwed up by thinking I was weak

I'm stronger than you'll ever be

Do I like you?

No

Do I care about you?

No

Do I forgive you?

Yes

But that's so I can move on it not for you, cause to be honest you don't deserve it but for once I deserve a life again