A Letter to my Sexual Assaulter

I hate you.

My parents don’t know about you

My little sister doesn’t know about you

My friends don’t know about you

I have to keep you a secret

So I can keep my sanity.

And I hate that I protect you

But I'm not strong enough to go to the police

I hate you because you’ve made me so weak

I’m too weak to love

At this point I’m numb to it

I hate it

I hate you.

You took my virginity

Without even asking

I can barely remember anything from that night

Maybe because I was drunk

Or maybe my mind just can’t handle through truth

So it blocks you out.

But every once in a while,

The sour smell of cigarettes you had carried,

Or the look of carelessness you wore like a jean jacket

Creeps back into my mind.

I hate it.

I hate you.