A Letter to my Soulmate

Dear Alexander,

It never would’ve worked out between us.

That’s the thing I’ve learned about soulmates -

sometimes it doesn’t work.

And it hurts.

The first time I met you I didn’t know how much you were going to change me

and hurt me

and teach me that it’s okay to not be okay.

I didn’t realize how many nights I would spend

cursing your name

and everything that had happened between us.

At first, I was fine

We were young,.

we were friends,

and I was content.

Then you moved away.

Somewhere I couldn’t follow…

at least without a plane ticket.

Losing you that first time didn’t hurt that much.

I didn’t realize then that you were my soulmate.

The second time though,

it took weeks for me to put myself back together.

When I saw you for the first time after all those years, it hit me right in the face -

Soulmate.

You were my soulmate.

The one person who would understand me

be there for me

love me.

Everything clicked into place the moment I looked into your eyes.

But I wasn’t ready.

I wasn’t ready for the commitment

for long distance

for accepting the fact that I had found my soulmate

and that I was fourteen

and he lived states away.

I think you felt it too.

Though I’ve never had the courage to ask.

That week was one of the best

and worst weeks of my entire life.

I knew that at the end I would have to leave

and that would mean

leaving you behind.

You,

My soulmate.

I pushed away the thoughts.

I should enjoy the days that I had been given.

I wish that there were more.

Everyone tells me to go back to you

even just to visit.

But I can’t.

If I went back,

I wouldn’t be able to leave again.

I think that it would actually kill me this time.

It’s better if we never see each other again.

But I hate myself too much to say no to you.

Sometimes I fantasize about going back

or you coming here,

but I keep this to myself.

We still text,

and everytime we do

I die a little inside

because you’re happy with her

and, my soulmate, that’s fine.

Love,

Claire