A letter to my Thugnasty.

I’m sorry, I never meant to grow up.

You told me “China, sit here with your friend. Gio wasn’t my friend. He was my boyfriend mom. You just never wanted to accept it… But I sat next to him as you asked and you snapped a picture of us at our 8^th grade graduation.

I’m sorry, I never meant to grow up.

July 13^th 2014 you changed my zapatillas de niña into some tacones de mujer. After that, we shared a mother daughter dance. You looked at me with those big dark brown eyes. & I swear, I caught a piece of your heart during one of our turns in my hands.

I’m sorry, I never meant to grow up.

Ma, guess what? I’ve been talking to recruiter. I want to join the service. I want to serve my country.

I’m sorry, I never meant to grow up.

I got my nose pierced while we were walking in “el Centro” today. Tata paid for it. Don’t worry.

I’m sorry, I never meant to grow up.

Remember when you & pops bought me this big-lil-portable-oven-thingy in 1^st grade because I got good grades? I do. It was the best day ever.

I’m sorry, I never meant to grow up.

What about the time I accidently ducked down as I was trying to turn on la estufa, & I caught my freaking bangs on fire! Guess what, I do.

I’m sorry, I never meant to grow up.

Or what about sophomore year when we kinda-sorta dyed my hair orange & I had to go to school for an entire week with it like that? Or what about me crying the entire way to DHS on my first day? Because, I do..

I’m sorry, I never meant to grow up.

But you know, it seems like just yesterday you were driving me to my first day of high school. I was freaking out & you were completely muted.

Now it’s my senior year. You’re freaking out & I’m the muted one.

I’m sorry, I never meant to grow up.

I don’t want you to think that because I’m leaving, you aren’t my mom anymore. You are. You always will be. You see, I’m doing this for myself. I don’t belong over here. I want to go home. It’s time for me to be the independent gal you taught me to be. I know it hurts but, I will make you proud… Siempre sere tuya! I’ll always be yours.

I love you mom.

I’m sorry, I never meant to grow up.