A Letter to Myself

To the person writing this letter,

You already know what you desperately try to hide

What you keep hidden in the confines of your room

Under the guise of "Ignorance is Bliss"

Hoping that if you ignore it, it'll eventually go away

But that isn't the case

Never was, never will be

It will stay with you until you learn to overcome it

It will be your lesson or your shortcomings

All of which depends on if you face it head on

Your fears are dragging you down

The fear of abandonment prevents you from reaching out

for the support of friends

for the support of family

for the support of a significant other

You would rather not get close to them at all

than to risk having them leave you

You're stuck with the mindset that everyone leaves

There are no exceptions.

The only difference is how and why

So you stopped yourself from getting close to others

So much that it became a habit

A habit that you can't change

That prevents you from getting close

Even when you desperately want to open up

The fear of the future breaks you

Everyone you know has a goal in mind

A career they want to pursue

Or at least, a major they want to expand on

And you're left alone

Unsure, Undecided, Undeclared

You're jealous of those who have a goal in mind

Of those who have something to work towards

But even then, you can't bring yourself to do something

You have no motivation to change

To try out new things

To put yourself out there

To take up opportunities

Hell, it's hard for you to get up in the mornings

You wish that you could just sleep forever

How nice it'd be to be free from everything

To the person in front of this screen,

Everything will be fine

Everything will work out eventually

That's what you've been telling yourself to stay sane

If you want something to change, you must first change yourself

Nothing will change if you don't alter your actions

I hope that day comes soon

I hope you find your way

I hope you step out of your comfort zone

Life is a trail of tribulations

This is how you learn

This is how you grow

One cannot grow if they don't learn

One cannot learn if they don't take chances

Let go of your fears one at a time

It's okay to be attached to others

It's okay to fall too deep and feel too much

That is the beauty of emotions

You have to be strong to be able to feel so much

One day you will appreciate all you have been through

One day you will love yourself for who you are

Until then, don't give up

Continue to drag yourself through life until you have courage to change

Sincerely, 

S.D.