A Letter to Myself,

What can one do, when the first thought that comes to you

when you wake up every morning is,

“oh, why am I, still alive?”

What can one do, when you stand in the middle of a loud classroom

as the teacher skips over your name on the attendance roll, and you wonder,

“oh, why am I still alive?”

What can one do, when you sit in the corner of the cafeteria, staring at the sandwich that’s been stepped and spat on as those around you laugh, and you think to yourself,

“why, am I still alive?”

What can one do when you kneel on the living room floor

as she who gave you life beats you half to death, and yet again you wonder,

“oh, why am I still alive?”

What can one do when you lay in bed amidst the darkness, lost in the labyrinth of life,

And you ask yourself one last time for the day,

“why am I still alive?”

STOP. Just stop it.

Why do you have to think so negatively?

Why can’t you just continue, and believe, like you’ve done for the past 17 years?

Why are you giving up on yourself now, when that’s exactly what those people did?

Why can’t you just understand, how precious and how special life is?

Oh, that’s right. Because, “you don’t care.”

But if you really don’t care, then why do you still let their words hurt you?

If you really don’t care, then why do you still fall for their ridiculous lies?

If you really don’t care, then why do you still say, “it’s alright” as you cry?

STOP. Just stop it.

Why does it matter to you what they think of you?

So what if they talk about you behind your back?

Why should any of that affect you?

Why are you letting it affect you?

Don’t tell me it’s just because she said that you’re so and so.

That he said that you’re this and that.

That you are going to give up.

Because if so, then you should’ve just given up 17 years ago.

Don’t. Give. Up.

Keep going.

Use their words and let it become your fuel firing up the engine of your soul.

Show them that you can do it. Show them that you can make it.

Because, life is worth it.

Because, you are worth it.

Because, you can make it.

And because if you don’t, then all you’ll ever be is just another girl.

Don’t be that girl.

I hope to see you soon,

Amy