A letter to myself..

I am sorry.

I’m sorry I let you fall and slip into the sea of compromise

I’m sorry I forgot the way your dimple would appear when you grinned so big.

I’m sorry I discouraged the way you love and feel about people and ideas...and life.

I didn’t mean to lose you in the midst of trying to heal him.

In the midst of healing.. I put a pause on your growing.

Late at night I remember your cries, your pain, how ugly the thunder drummed deep through your heart and brain, the lightning striking not only deep in the  night but during the day.. The shame you felt but why? To be embarrassed because the “love of your life” forgot to water your garden filled with flowers of loyalty and grass of compassion and communication...

The weather man would state the forecast for today was sunny and 75, but that was shocking to you because you could of sworn that there  was a tornado about to hit and consume you. the only bad weather that was occuring was the storm that was brewing in your heart and mind… trembling and afraid it was just you.. Only you running to seek shelter as the sirens of  your screams went off inside your thoughts.

I know how long you have ached for the love and appreciation you deserve..

Fighting not to cry over spilled milk, but wondering why the milk that was spilled was already sour.

Wondering each and every hour that passed if God was listening…

I miss you..

I've made up a list of “I promises” to you..

1. I will always be here for you

2. I love you

3. I will take care of you

4. Learn and grow and heal you

5. I will no longer let you take the punches for those who wouldn't even throw a punch for you

It’s time to press play and take it off resume… to continue your growing.. Because I know your light is so bright… don’t let them tell you otherwise…

And I know this path of growing is the road of life and it never ends.. It's forever…

It’s not a one and done, it doesn't have a due date. This is your life and journey and you will fall and slip again. But as I have promised to you i will be there to dust you off and remind you of the strength  Our God has given us and the blessings in our failures.