Letter to myself

Some days it’s going to hurt like hell to get out of bed
But you can do it
Pain is apart of life 
Sometimes you’re going to want to tear your skin open and let every horrible feeling you’ve ever had spill out all over the bathroom floor
But you are stronger than those voices
And so you won’t
You’ll cry and shake but you won’t hurt yourself.
Not anymore
You’re going to cry about boys breaking your heart
Or not even caring enough to
But you’re 17 and nothing means anything right now
And boys won’t mean it when then spit 
I LOVE YOUs down your throat
And other days you will smile until your cheeks go numb and your stomach will ache from laughing at a joke that wasn’t even that funny
Because you are happy. 
You’ll get scared in the mall or in school for no reason
But you will find a friend and they will hold you up when you’re too weak to do it on your own
Sometimes You’ll smile to yourself in the middle of the hall because 
God you love the song that just came on
Sometimes you’ll feel the overwhelming urge to tell your mom you love her
Tell her. All she’s ever wanted was for you to be happy. She loves you so much.
Friends are going to move on or meet boys and as much as you say you’re happy for them
You’ll feel empty and unwanted 
YOU ARE WANTED
There will be scary thoughts
Do not let them win. Never let them win
You will learn to love yourself
Start practicing now.