Letter to Self

Dear Mariela,

People ask you what your secret is. The magic formula to being an exceptional student, class valedictorian, student-athlete, obedient daughter, a thoughtful friend, a bubbly individual among other qualities. Honestly, you make it seem so easy. Yet I know that you know that not everything is quite what it seems.

Some days I’m not sure how you do it. It takes skill to hide your personal afflictions from others. Somehow you have mastered this, being reserved while still making others feel like they know you. You were hurting so bad, yet you covered it with your classic laugh and the dimpled smile that everyone knows. But there has been an exception to this, right? That boy that fell for you before you fell for him. He managed his way into the unknown territory of your heart. It took dedication on his behalf to get you to speak. It took courage for you to reveal those vulnerabilities. The death of your newborn brother. Your brother’s arrest, probation and house arrest. Your mother’s anxiety. Your father’s struggle to keep the household together. Your brother’s attempted suicide. The almost divorce between your parents. Simply being in the middle of this was hard on you. You cannot choose sides. Most of the time, you had to take on extra responsibilities to help smooth out the situation. But, in the end, this adversity has transformed for the better.

You have come to realize that you cannot be superwoman. Even though you love your family to death, you cannot fix everything at home. The reality of it all is that you can only control so much. It’s just the way life is. For that reason, you are taking one step at a time. Everything has its own time to shine, right? 

Some days you still ache, but you still manage to march along. Remember that you have all the potential and work ethic to get you where you want to be. But once you reach your goal, don’t forget your past. Keep it there as a reminder of how your character was built. Fair enough?

 

 

-M.O.