Letter to Someone I Have Not Forgiven

Dear You,

I don't even have to name you for you to know yourself when you read this. You didn't break my heart. Instead, you shattered it into a million tiny pieces. I thought that we were fine. Actually, I thought we were more than fine. Then, out of the blue, you sent me that message after ignoring me for three days. You may not think that I knew anything, but I know everything. I am ashamed that I let my guard down again, since we both know that this is not the first time that this has happened. You told me that it wouldn't happen again, and we were finally back together. And happy. But you crushed that all. Sneaking around is not the way to go, especially since I met the "other woman". I wanted to hate her. Truely, I did. Only, she was so nice to me-- but she also had no idea who I was. And you were standing right next to us. This should have been my sign to run. I didn't take it because all I wanted was you. Then, a week later, I gave you my everything. You were my first. After that, being with you was like a dream. It was the way it used to be-- before her and before you moved away. Only now do I realize how stupid I was. She was having trouble with her long distance boyfriend, and you wanted to be ready to sweep her off her feet when it ended, which included getting rid of me. You told me we'd still be friends, but I'm not okay with that. I can never be just friends with you. 

I know that this is different for you. I was also your first and you told me that you loved me, but now I think that you just wanted someone to bide your time with until the time was right to go to her. After all, she's a star cross country runner and a star hurdler who went to state. Then you look at me. A serious student who is careful about her future and missed making state for swimming by a small margine. She's thinner than I am, but I'm sure the comparisons go deeper than our looks. 

Being friends with you is the hardest thing I've ever done. Since we've gotten to know each other, I've loved you in the "Pick me, choose me, love me" way of Meredith Grey and the wanting to stand outside your window with a boombox blasting your favorite song kind of way. You know that. And you took advantage of that. For that, I am not ready to forgive you yet. 

With Love,

Me