A Letter to Someone I Should Have Forgotten.

Dear lover, friend, someone I knew, and an unfinished poem

I remember the feeling of being miserable in our relationship

probably masked by the fact that neither of us wanted to be alone.

and still, even in a new relationship and 5 hours between us, I feel even lonelier.

our “ love” was just a metaphor for how sad we were,

trying to fill the gaps of a life we didn't want with other people who just happened to give us the slightest attention.

months after the breakup I wonder what went wrong,

who was in the wrong,

and why we couldn't be right for each other.

I'm unhappy with how things ended, don't get me wrong.

I cared for you,

or the idea of you.

sometimes I rationalize texting you and hoping we could mend what we had,

but what we had was a blanket too small for the both us,

fighting for warmth and love,

something neither of us were willing to give to each other.

I mean how could we,

we had little love for ourselves how could we have loved each other.

I wrote you a poem once saying “you were a poem I never wanted to end”,

did you get it in the mail?

I realize now that all the words and syllables this world has could never write away the loneliness I felt throughout our relationship.

if the poem never had to end I never had to deal with you leaving me.

i made you represent all the people in my life who abandoned me,

and that if I could by some miracle keep the thought of you,

keep the poem of you

living,

it might’ve lessen the pain of finally being comfortable with myself.

and even without a new relationship and 5 hours between us I don't think that we could have ever been close enough for me to feel secure in a home I knew I could never find in you.

Sincerly, your star crossed lover.