A lie

Everybody lies sometimes. Right? I'm not the only one. It doesn't matter if you lie sometimes. My lie isn't even a big one. Crap. I did it again. I lied. I'm a liar. But I don't like that word. It sounds so... criminal. And I'm not a criminal. Or at least I hope I'm not. Because I've done some stupid crap. I lied again. It's way worse than any crap there is on this planet. I'm a truth bender. That sounds better. Not as much of that evil sound to it. I'm not evil, am I? For hiding the truth from everyone. Including myself. Or maybe I am evil. Everyone knows the truth. But I lie to their faces even though I know that they know. I can't help it. I make them suffer. Everyone who tries to help me. To help me face the truth. I want to do it, to face the truth. That was a lie. I really don't. And they suffer because of that. Because I'm lying. Because I'm suffering. Why do I always lie? The lies don't keep the pain away. They only bring it closer. Am I a masochist? Do I like the pain? Maybe I do. Maybe that's why I'm lying. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm just a coward. A coward running away, not realizing he's running in the wrong direction. "We helped her, we can help you." No you can't, you're lying too.