Lies

I tell myself that I don't want anything more to do with you,

But it is hard to convince yourself of that after everything that we have been through.

I tell myself that I don't care whether or not you leave me on read,

But deep down, I so badly want you to care about the words that I said.

I tell myself that when my phone goes off, I won't jump to see if it's you,

But I still so badly want to believe that you still want to talk to me too.

I tell myself that I know I need to go over you, and part of me is going to try,

But the other part of me is still hoping you will come around, and I have to convince myself that it is all just a lie.

I am stuck between moving on from you or losing you forever,

Because the hopeless romantic in me still wants to believe in never say never.

I want you in my life as a friend because you are one of the greatest people I have ever met,

But if I keep you around, than I know that that is a closure that I am never going to get.

I can't get over you if I still keep you in my life and keep you around,

But at the same time, you were the one who helped me back up after I had fallen and hit the ground.

At the same time, I can't deny that more often than not you are the reason that I fell,

And meeting you has been the best moment in my life, but it has also been my own personal hell.

I never thought you would have become one of the most important people in my life,

And I hate to admit it, but I really thought that one day I was going to end up being your wife.

There is that part of me that is still hoping that in the future we will end up together,

But I know who I am, and I know that there is a very good chance that you will end up finding someone better.

And it hurts, because when it comes to you I really did try my best,

But I know that there is nothing else that I can do, and that maybe it is time to lay us to rest.

But it is so hard to let go of someone who you love so much,

But I can't move on from you if we still decide to stay in touch.

And I am mad at myself because I ruin so many friendships because my heart always gets in the way,

Because I know that many of the people that I want are the ones who usually never choose to stay. 

My heart and brain are pulling me in two different directions, and I don't know what to do,

Because, at the end of the day, the only person who I truly want is you. 

Maybe as time goes on, I will finally be able to heal,

But still all of this seems like a beautiful dream and a twisted nightmare, and none of it seems real.