lies

The words are right there in my head When i try to say them they get stuck in my throat And it absolutely kills me The secrets, lies, whatever they are I still choke on them And am filled with more dread For I can't speak of what's true And not speaking the truth is lying I don’t care for lying, i hate it But all i can say is that And they all know it But i still wont say it I know they don’t hate me But my mind doesn't tell me that I’m not trying to lie It lies to me itself And the lies turn into more lies And it hurts just like the truth Speaking it hurts Speaking it makes it real Speaking it brings out all that guilt of what I've done The shame of what i am all that burden The truth of the lyrics written on the paper All the things said I carry it everywhere Through the day To bed And now it’ll never feel the same And i feel like a mess Acting like its ok I wish it was Acting like i dont know I've figured out more than anyone knows Not labeling what I've already identified Regretting everything And yet nothing at all