October 28, 2015
I Am... Scholarship Slam
Blessed are the people, that are able to live,
Ordinary and normal lives,
While I continue to endure one,
Filled with some joy, But also cries.
What I have experienced in the past,
Are the problems i face now,
I sometimes become fearful of the future,
And the mind increasingly gets clouded with doubt.
The complication and destruction started,
Only at the age of five.
Being molested by an own relative,
Was not the beginning to a great life.
Later at the age of eight,
Lost my mother to cancer, the day before Thanksgiving,
I wanted to have something to be thankful for,
But it was difficult to find one, because she was no longer living.
At the age of fourteen,
I began high school
Where temptation rises,
And the main priority was being "cool".
Was pressured by many,
Have committed actions that I never saw myself doing.
Unto this day I pay the price,
But I couldn't help but think that my reputation was ruined.
I've been bullied, hit,
And badly talked about.
I became so immune to it,
That I was considering on taking a different way out..
Lingering on hope and prayer,
I asked God to make things better for me,
To place me in better situations,
To help me recognize and see...
The joy in all things,
The beauty in the most humble places,
To see the good in people,
Than to be blinded by anger and hatred.
Flash forwarding to my senior year of high school,
Where I was preparing myself for life,
But unfortunately, another problem arose,
That I completely disliked.
One night, My father wanted to sit down
And have a talk with me,
He usually didn't do that,
I wondered, "What's on his mind? What did he need?"
He began to shake, cry,
And could hardly speak,
I immediately became fearful and anxious
Of what this news might be.
We both sat in silence,
And eventually began to cry.
Felt like the worst pain I've ever experienced,
In all of my life...
From then on,
I was bothered with the question,
"Why do bad things happen to good people?"
Which only caused me to lose faith.
I know the saying, "life isn't fair."
And I've acknowledged that fact.
But why should I have to go through experiences,
That are ridiculously bad?
So bad that I've melted away into a world of sadness,
So bad that I cry uncontrollably in my room at night
So bad that I wanted to give up on everything!
So bad that I no longer wanted to put up the fight...
But, as time progresses,
I live my every day life,
While attempting to fix the pieces,
That were remained broken..
By the pain,
I felt emotionally numb,
But still managed to grasp,
And live by words of wisdom.
Yes, bad things happen to good people,
That seem so undeserving of them,
But trying to live a perfect and happy life
Is a battle that we will never win.
Yes, I have a story,
That is not the most pleasant.
These experiences are an essence,
Of who I am,
And who I was built to be,
I had to constantly train myself to think,
That my past does not define me.
God allows certain things to happen, for his reasons,
Whether we understand them or not.
But we have to teach ourselves, that he has to take over,
The battle that was already fought, but lost.
I was taught to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart",
And in all ways acknowledge him.
To always seek light,
In a world that seems so dim.
I am making it and moving forward.
And still have a long way to go,
But I know, while traveling on this journey
I will, everyday, grow.
My point is,
You can overcome anything,
No matter what you have been through,
Because life has so much good, In store for you.
We cannot dwell in our past,
And drown in our own pool of sadness,
When there are so much more things to be seen and felt,
Laughter, joy, .. happiness.
The pain that you feel, Is only temporary.
But never forget, that each obstacle we go through Is indeed necessary.
How are we able to grow without challenges?
It might hurt the moment, but in the end,
We'll strongly stand.
I, myself understand that life is tough,
But I am tougher.
I will not allow bad experiences To drag me under,
To the unfortunate aspects of life, Where other ill-minded people want me to be. A strong, powerful, woman is all I want and will ever be.