Life

One year ago, how the time goes.

I began my year free

I say free, the world felt new. For the first time I was ready to pursue only me.

Impulsive. I jumped into things too quickly without truly thinking of the implications of my actions.

I moved in with my friend of 15 years.

We were ready.

Ready to pursue ourselves, to grow, to take on new goals.

Motivated.

Unexpectedly

I met someone, someone who shared the same motivation.

An explorer. A dreamer.

Again impulsive. I trusted too easily too quickly.

I let him in to my life, showed him all of my favorite habits.

I was working and reaching for something for myself.

For the first time I looked towards myself and I got caught up.

Caught up in a man who couldn’t love himself.

Quickly he attached. I wasn’t ready.

Time, I just needed time to build this person I was reaching to be. Not ready to settle down and invest myself into someone.

Active citizenship. I found a love for service. To give, to experience, to embrace.

New Orleans, you changed my perspective.

The government failed you, suffering from Environmental Injustice.

I cleaned up streets, yet to be touched from the devastation once known as Katrina.

I craved to do more, I put my heart and soul into something that felt would give me what I was looking for.

He moved in close, wanted more and I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready.

I had no idea, clueless.

I was clueless to the fact that this man I had only just met was suffering.

Hurting, lost, confused.

Kind, caring, and patient was what I saw when I looked at him.

I believed he would understand the time I needed.

April 30th

A day spent writing about Environmental Injustice of Katrina.

I tore through the pages explaining what I thought.

He sat patiently, embracing our presence.

This was the last day.

Last day I would see his smile.

He lied.

He said he would be back.

I received a call that day.

He told me “I’m sorry, I’ve felt this way for an entire year. It’s not your fault. You have a lot going for you. You will be okay.”

Silence.

My explorer, the dreamer. Took his own life.

Left me.

How could I have shared experiences with someone?

Someone I knew nothing about..?

All the pain, he just hid.

Covered it up

Spontaneous adventures we embarked on.

Death. Forever.

I can’t seem to grasp, to understand…

Life.

Time.

I waited, time to search deeply and fight.

Find the bit of strength I had.

I had to keep moving.

I learned that even the worst tragedies that felt possible.

The ones that you feel your world flip upside down.  

Time doesn’t stop, or slow down.

The world keeps going forward.

I had to move forward.

Distractions. Work, work, work.

I had to invest my energy into something tangible.

Environment, nature, activism, recycling, conservation efforts

I felt something

Beauty, there is beauty in this world.

Despite the pain it brings us….

This world is beautiful and we must fight. Fight for her.

Give a voice to what can’t be heard.

Plant trees.

Compassion.

I found my strength in my passion.

I am alive, this world is alive.

I have to do what I can, even the littlest actions.

Make a difference.

And do all that I can with love.

Appreciate a moment because you never know…

Never know the last moment.

I now have the deepest appreciation for this life, this world, and those in it.

Beauty is everywhere, it’s your choice

Choose how you want this life.

Make an impact. 

This poem is about: 
Me

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