Life

It's almost like dread

yet there is nothing in particular to be dreaded

It's almost like the whole world is falling apart

but it hasn't happened yet and you're the only one who sees it

It's like predicting the apocalypse but hoping you're wrong

but being wrong so many times that you start to hope it's real

that something, anything, is real

It's like you're stuck in a dream

the world goes on around you

you smile, laugh, get angry, and cry at all the appropriate moments

but can't remember for the life of you what you are so worked up about.

It's wanting to be alone cause you're so goddamn lonely

but then feeling even more isolated with your friends

because they said something, did something

that they all think is so goddamn funny but

you don't fucking care

so you sit there staring at them, forcing a smile

but wondering what the hell went wrong

when did these people become strangers

these people who supposedly know me better than anyone else in the whole world

become strangers?

but maybe it's not their fault 

you kind of like being alone

so you go back home

and lay in bed and watch a sad movie

and then you shut down to go to sleep

but you don't go to sleep 

you're too busy reliving every time you've ever been a jerk

an asshole, a real bitch

and you're apologizing over and over again to everyone

to the world, to God

but you don't beg forgiveness

you don't deserve it.

and finally you exhaust yourself to sleep

and wake with red, puffy, burning eyes

and, with not even enough energy to give life the old

fuck you,

resign yourself to another day