Life is...

Life is waking up every morning in pain

It lies in the distinction of how severe it hurts today

It lies in what pains me in that moment

It lies in who I get to be today

Life is getting stuck in my room

The door is too heavy to open when my rib are acting up

The body limits space which limits me

I have no choice but to go back to bed

Life is "laying" on my floor

Being stuck on the floor

To try to sit or stand threatens unconsciousness

So you lay until it fades enough to just be excruciating

Life is sitting in class wanting to die

Sensory overload and incapable of escaping

The threat of failure in response to absence

The institution's lies of "tolerance"

Life is never knowing what will happen

It is waking up every morning afraid of what my body will do

It is not knowing what's wrong with me

The unknown constantly teasing and threatening

Life is feeling hopeless

When hospitals treat me like I am looking for drugs rather than treatment

When school tells me I am wasting my professor's and peers' time by missing class

When I spent five years being told I was making up my pain

Life is not being able to give up

It is refusing to give up all your time to your illness

It is looking out for family and friends

It is spiting the people who said you couldn't

Life is putting up with Life