The Life that Could Be

Sometimes I sit and think

About the final sleep

Will it be painless? 

Will I feel it stop? 

Will I realize it's fading? 

Or will I be dreaming about the life I wanted to live.

The two story house 

White picket fence 

Three kids and a dog 

Enough to get by 

To not worry about food 

Or where the money will come from 

The life I believe another me is living 

Sometimes I think about forcing the final sleep to appear at my door

Would that be painless? 

Would that be so bad? 

Should I feel guilty to want it soon? 

Tonight? 

The current here and now. 

Sometimes my reality comes crushing down on me

People say I’m young but I’ve lived enough 

I think I have. 

Maybe in another life I would be the woman I wish I could be. 

Be married to the man of my dreams 

But I don’t see a future of that for me. 

It feels as though my entire life as revolves around catching up. 

School

Friends

Family 

Money 

Catching up with everyone else. 

Maybe there’s a reason I’ve always been behind. 

Maybe I’m the reason I’ve always been behind. 

Another face 

Another number 

Another statistic 

Another number dialed 

Another meeting held 

Another article 

To be forgotten in a month. 

Maybe I am not meant to be meaningful 

And maybe I’m supposed to be okay with that 

But I’m not.

So just maybe 

If the final sleep’s hand is forced 

As I drift away 

I will remember what my life could have been 

If I had stayed.