Life goes on

Not even half way through my senior year- my life collapsed around me. Surrounded with tears, frustration, and unanswered questions, I was completely shattered. The day I got a phone call telling me my father had died my whole world changed. Everything I had known and thought was true seemed to crumble and disappear before me. Attending the viewing and funeral was easily the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Not only was I filled with grief, but I also contemplated my own actions and thoughts. I soon became overpowered by guilt and regret. You see, my dad and I didn’t have the best relationship, and I hadn’t spoken to him for months when he had suddenly passed. All these bad emotions seemed to be relentless, but I still pretended like I was okay and getting on with my life. But that was far from true. Every day whether I heard a Lynyrd Skynyrd song, caught glimpse of a father and daughter, or got a whiff of diesel gasoline fuel; I thought of him and how he was no longer here. Today, although I am still working through this, I am better. After grieving, I’ve realized I need to continue through with my life and take the course my dad would have wished I had taken. I want to make him proud. Even though he will not physically be there for me to see at my high school graduation, or to help me unpack for college, or walk me down the aisle on my wedding day; I now understand that doesn't mean I shouldn't do all of these things and limit myself by opting out of these life experiences- because life does go on