life span

I fought back then.

I fought constantly to have a life that was worth living

I fought to find peace

I fought to find the place where everyone said it got better

my soul was darkness

pain was scratching the surface

but war was underneath my skin

mental disorders

eating disorders

anxiety

sexual abuse

I got clouded by it all

the sun even stopped shining.

but the moon was always lit. 

I placed hope on the moon and that it would get me out. 

And it did.

I told the moon that it was my best friend.

It helped me get through the night.

Some nights it wasn't there, but it always came back.

I took it month after month.

it is so weird how time goes by.

1. crying in my bed with tears flowing down my cheeks. Talking to the moon playing on repeat. 

2. running down a dirt road choking on thoughts of sexual abuse.

3. Peach Mango Leather couches that are cold to the touch. Therapy.

4. Moving in and fluffy pink pillows.

5. Understanding sexuality and telling a boyfriend it wont work.

6. Life crossing and the color grey appearing in my dreams.

7. The color green being reborn and happiness happening at the strangest speed known to man. 

8. Life was good. I was in love. The man I wanted to be with forever held my hand and we sang to the sun.

9. I choked and crashed. Red. Hospitals. Blood. Sweat. Tears. 

10. He's with her.

11. Snow. Anxiety. Bipolar. Thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts. Fear. Thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts. 

12. Blonde and happiness. My eyes knew where and how to look up again. Faith came.

13. Covid.

14. He lost me slowly. My body went with him. My soul stayed with me.

15. Hawaii. To heal. But not to heal. It became about me. How I learned to love me. To only be me. No one else involved.

16. Dreams dont always invovle people.

17. Another world existed for him.

18. I picked myself up again.

19.  Conflict in the self is what is dying down. But content is aware.

20. The color of gray in a happy way is present. 

21. I'm not sure.....

-art