Life as you make it

Life.

Sometimes it works, and then it doesn't.

Though it continues, and goes on. 

I stumble, I fall, get up, take a step back. 
Learning, and falling and enduring the scolding. 
Parents, school, expectations, and fools. 
Good grades, a perfect student, a good child, a front. 
But at one point in time, it's too much. 
It falls. 
 
And so slowly, I go down. Stop caring, stop doing. 
Knowing, hesitating, yet the lazy cycle continues. 
It's a secret, a cover, no one knows. 
Until it's just too much, there's no more mistakes to make. 
Until its too late, and everything crumbles down. 
Their expectations, your future, your life. 
Secrets exposed, a raw wound. 
 
It's hard not to give up, not to drown into oblivion. 
 
But I don't look back. 
 
There's only failure awaiting in the past. 
And so with painful steps I continue. 
This time against he barrage of anger, disappointment, and failure. 
It's hard, so complex to get over a habit 
Laziness and procrastination can be as bad as cocaine. 
 
Then comes a change, a chance to begin anew. 
So much time has been wasted, so many paths have been blocked. 
It's so hard to erase the mark from my past. 
A record, forever there. 
 
But I continue. 
 
It's hard to change habit, but I don't look back.
A month, two months. 
Half a year. 
 
Finally some accomplishment. 
 
On a good track, still stumbling once in awhile. 
But it's getting better. 
It's a big change, doesn't erase the marks from the past. 
 
But perhaps. 
 
In time, just perhaps it can shine brighter. 
 
So bright, that everything else pales in comparison. 
It's not a new me. 
It's still me. 
 
Not someone who's analyzed the past and learned something. 
Just someone who never looked back. 
Didn't torture myself with 'what ifs' and 'if onlys'. 
There's no point. Life is short. 
Don't regret, because it's time wasted. 
 
And so I've finally chosen a path. 
One where I will help others. 
Life is as you make it. 
 
Good or Bad. 
The chance is always there. 
You don't have to erase yourself to make a change. 
You're still you. 
With only a choice made. 
 
So I wish you luck, and myself as well. 
I'm choosing a better life. 
Found a new path, one that makes me happy. 
One that is finally changing all the disappointments around me.  
Bringing the smiles back. 
I'm happy. 
 
Stressed, overworked, tired, accomplished, and happy. 
 
I made the change, and so can you. 
Life is as you make it. 
 
I'm making mine. 
 
Will you? 

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