The Light Behind my Eyes

Location

Wake up, get ready, Go out.

Smile, Conversate, Engage.

Leave, Sleep, Repeat.

These things I do,

I say I love, Bring me pain everyday.

 

Wake Up.

Wake up to a world of hate and pain.

To see myself in the mirror, to see the scars

The scars I've dug into myself, to remind me.

Reminders of what happened, when I let go

 

A reminder to never let go again.

Get Ready. Paint my face with Smiles,

Smiles that hurt to spread, to hide away the message.

HELP ME, for I cannot Take this anymore.

Go Out. Go see the people who I call my friends,

 

and in return, they call me theirs.

But me, I am no friend, I ignore.

Captured by the voices in my mind, beating me down.

These things, these demons, closing in on me.

Slowly removing the filters I've placed, one by one.

 

Conversate. Engage. 

Listen as they update me on their lives, smiling away and laughing when they laugh.

They see the pained look in my eye, and ask. 

that one question I hate, the one I long for

The one I avoid.

 

It pains me to say "It's fine. I'm Okay."

The words I need, the ones that refuse to be released

"Help me. Pull me out of myself, I can't do this alone."

I'm told "They don't care. Leave them out of this." 

They scream louder than My conscious.

 

Leave. Sleep. 

To go home is a figment of my weary imagination.

I go to the place in which my head tries to rest, only to do it again.

The smiles and the lies, all to hide the truth.

the truth that i dont feel the need to exist anymore.

 

Sleep does not exist anymore.

Instead, that's where they take shape.

I carve my body how they want me to.

Legs, thighs, arms, wrists, stomach. One day, my heart.

"I can't drown my demons they know how to swim" Takes more shape than ever before.

 

At night, I remove the filters, to cry alone, because these things are better left unsaid.

I let out all the aching agony I've tried so hard to hide all my life, everyday.

The pain of seeing that face everyday, escapes me.

The pain of not belonging, withdraws from my heart.

My eyes no longer hold back what I feel, for night not judges me.

 

The light behind my eyes is GONE.

I fell into the darkness, with no escape.

I turned away the hands that strived to help me, and now i am here alone.

To suffer the consequenses I have Created for myself

I am ready to die, I just wish I could.

 

The truth is that, in reality, I am already dead.

Everyone can see it. They can feel it.

Death surrounds me, and I welcome it

I am ready. They welcome me with open arms.

Welcome to the Black Parade.

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