The light that cuts deepest, and The light that lets you shine.

The Cut That Cuts Deepest....

The greatest wound, the cut that cuts the deepest in your life, how is that measured. The number of tears You cried? The number of hours of sleep lost?  The number of people  pushed away to heal? How long it took to heal? All of the above? How do you want me to tell a story of the deepest cut. My life is my life, It’s the only one I have, all of my struggles have cut deep. All of my loses has been a loss,but also my pathway to grow.

Where does the line of heart breaks start? Where do they end? They start with having a imaginary father tell you tales of a greater time, promise you a better future but as time goes by you unravel everything wrong with your life, your father and why. Where do they end? They don't. As long as I love, I’ll hurt. And I love hard, I fall so deep. I used to lose myself loving others, but now I love myself instead of others. And that's a cut in a category of its own. Rebuilding the tissue around my heart and making it stronger then ever.

I’ve cried more than a thousand tears, My heart is literally so fragile, the easiest things can chip away pieces, like a bad nail job.

You ruined my sleeping schedule, Not like i ever had one, But I lost so much sleep because I was left crying to my sheets.

I lost a lot of friends because the path my problems put me down. I fell to the bottom with no open holes, i had to pry myself out and hope that end the end i found light.

The worst part about it all was the healing,But  no matter what, you will recover, things may not be the same but if you make it out you’re lucky. But the process of healing is more torturing than the breaking.

I Found Light.

I found light through my friends, Through my character. I found light  by giving off light. I find light through my breakdowns in the Library, My room, Screaming to myself in the locker room, Crying to my friends on a bench, Venting to my friends in a car, learning about my friends, I found my light through release. To get, you must give. My friends are the backbone of me. Because my true friends didn't have to be known over social media. We don't even have to talk everyday, But we have a mutual understanding that we have each other's back no matter what.

I found my light through my character. Fighting off my demons that hold me back, Telling myself every time.” It’s gonna be okay, Just take a minute to breathe and start again from the beginning and you will understand.” My head demon  tried to take overs so many times, But I held my ground and did my best to push for goodwills. I knew hoping for the best could bring out the best.

I found my light through studying and leaving people wondering, “how?” So many people think that I don't have my life together because of my actions, because of my dark side. What many people don't know is I go home, I write to myself, I write to the wonders of the world, I write to my friends, I write to let go. I write to start over. I write what has broke me and then I began to fix myself. Because you don't have to stay broken forever. You will unless you take action. It has taken me years to fix bits and pieces of the same parts  but overall all I see is process because in one way or another I have fixed the pieces I thought were broke.

I found my light with a change of my mindset. Who I am has always been beautiful, It was how I expressed it that was toxic. I let all the things people would  bury me in, become my weight and I needed to break free but the only way to be free is to, Free your mind of the chains you have set upon yourself. Except that life is the way it is and focus on one thing at a time, if you want to find your light then find all it takes is a little soul searching.