Light Through the Darkness

<p>The best thing about this poem, for me, is the directness, and the simplicity. I think an audience would almost universally be able to connect with it. I really like &quot;where the desperate and lost go&quot;, and &quot;I want to be where I am / With the people I love&quot;.</p><p>In terms of revising, I&#39;d suggest showing the reader more about &quot;the darkness&quot;. Right now, it&#39;s a generalized darkness. I&#39;d suggest bringing the reader there more. You can decide if you want to do that in this poem, or perhaps you&#39;d write another poem exploring that darkness. Give it images, give it a voice - maybe it can be the speaker? What colors does it have? What images are associated with it (images from work, daily life images from mythology, essentially, what attaches itself to that dark in your mind?)</p><p>The directness and simplicity that are a strength can at times move too far into a what we&#39;re too familiar with. I&#39;d advise being mindful of this when revising. I&#39;m thinking of things like &quot;The darkness calls my name / I must not listen&quot;. That&#39;s very familiar, too familiar, from within the culture of movies or song lyrics. Maybe instead of saying it like this, why not, as I mentioned earlier, tell us what the darkness actually says? That would bring us right into the poem in a much deeper and direct way.</p><p>Finally, I&#39;d say to make it more specific. Right now, we don&#39;t fully know what the situation is that has caused this poem; we don&#39;t know either what this darkness is. There are ways for you to write personally, but to still keep your privacy. I think using more images and metaphor might be a way for you to do that.</p><p>Good luck with it. I&#39;d be interested to see what comes out of revising / working on it - maybe more poems that this exploration might give birth to?</p>