Line after Line

“Blades glide across skin like

Skates across the ice.

One smooth motion, and a line appears.

Line after line after line, until

you finally stop. Line after line

marres the surface that was once

spotless.”

There was a girl in my class

Who used to say that.

She would laugh afterward,

Repeating the words

“Line after line” over

and over again under her breath,

Her fingers tapping on the

desk in tempo with the words,

Her eyes staring at something

The rest of us couldn’t see.

Some people called her crazy

And even some, insane.

But they also called her

One of the happiest people they knew.

Her laughter rang down the halls.

People telling her to shut up

Just made her laugh more.

A defiant gesture of sorts I guess

She gave off an “I refuse to let you

control my happiness”

Sort of vibe

Full of sunshine,

Spreading smiles all around

Without realizing it.

Her lips smiled

As her wrists stung

And her knuckles bruised

As her eyes shone

 While the rest of us sat and

Talked about the newest TV show,

Or argued over the latest football game,

She traced lines on the desk

with her fingertips

Singing softly to herself

Words that we could never understand.

 While the rest of us imagined

Who our next date would be

Or how we should get our

Hair done next

She was imagining how it

Would feel to hang

With a rope around her neck

  And while the rest of us went

On and on

About how our parents can’t

Control our lives

And how we hate love and

Are so done with relationships

When asked if we were okay

She just flashed a smile and

Laughed, saying

“Always, what about you?”

While the rest of us were

Texting each other

“Sweet dreams” and “nah I

Don’t feel like going to bed”

She was sitting in her room,

Painting pretty pictures on

Her thighs with a blade

Forcing her eyes to stay open

Because the dark was where

The demons were

And closing her eyes

Made the darkness complete

And the monsters in her head

Came out to say hello

When she laughed

Her laugh was loud

An attempt to drown out

The voices screaming in her head

While the rest of us watched movies

and did our nails

Laughing at each other and

Gossiping about another

She drew lines on her arms

With dark red ink that ran

Down and stained the water

“Line after line after line.”