Listen

Listen to what I have to say, mommy. I have so many built up emotions inside of me. Like resent; why did you leave me? Home alone with an absent father, giving me the responsibility to raise a 3 year old boy when I was only 8 years old myself. Giving me no time to be a kid. Losing the person who was most important in my life. Like love; I think about you all the time and I miss you so much. I know you're in a better place now, but it was so hard, mommy. I try to be strong for you. I try to make positive decisions so you'll look down at me and be proud, but some days I think I don't like who I'm becoming. Growing up is harder than I ever could have imagined. I never thought I'd go through anything without you. I thought you'd be there for my first day of high school, my first boyfriend, my first break-up, my graduation, my wedding, my first child... Every milestone in my life will be conquered without you by my side. I mean, I know you're like my guardian angel or something now, but it isn't the same. I can't ask you for advice or hug you when I'm sad. You can't sing me to sleep or paint the beautiful artwork around the house. It was hard living with just dad. I mean, I have a stepmom now, but that doesn't make me miss you any less. She's great, but there are days when I just wish it could be you holding me and telling me that everything is going to be alright. Because on days like this when my world is falling apart, I sit here talking to the air wondering if it's true that your soul can still hear me.