Little Joys

To my first born child,

I love you.

When you were born your big brown eyes 

looked up at me and I knew

I was going to be the luckiest mom 

in the entire world.

To my first born child,

By age 5 you will 

know so much pain,

and much happiness.

But your father and I will keep you safe. 

To my first born child, 

when you are 13 you will start to feel

unloved. 

But I swear that you not only have a mom 

and dad, 

but Jesus. 

Honey, you're loved. 

To my first born child, 

You said you want to

move out.

Baby you're only 17,

please don't go. 

"I can't deal with your bull shit right now mom." 

Okay, baby.

I love you.

To my first born child,

I know you got the news,

I'm dying.

And the last words you said to me were

"I hate you."

Baby, I'm going to die.

And I hope you know 

there wasn't anything I wouldn't have done 

for you. 

To my first born child,

I promised to keep you safe, 

but lying in this hospital bed,

I can't. 

To my first born child, I'm sorry I wasn't the best mom.

And I am so sorry that your father wasn't

always around. 

But I miss you. 

And as sure as the sun will rise, 

I love you. 

As does your father. 

The doctor said I only have a 

few hours, 

I wish, I just wish 

I could see you,

One,

Last,

Time. 

To my first born child, 

One hour. 

The doctor said 

One hour.

You still haven't come. 

I pray that you will tell my 

grandchildren about me.

But baby,

It's time for me to go.

And just as I close my eyes 

I heard the door creak,

And I saw your beautiful smile.

I love you, kid.