Hey little me,
How is 9th grade treating you?
Still scared of talking to boys?
Still terrified to admit you like girls?
I know your grades are slipping.
And no, it's not because you're stupid
It's probably because you can't get out of bed in the morning
Probably because the idea of walking into a clasroom makes you want to cry
The feeling of everyone's eyes on you keeps you up at night, too
So how could you manage good grades?
You're too tired anyway
Little me, I know it hurts you to walk around alone all the time
And I can't say that ever really stops
But you'll feel better about it real soon
You'll start to feel grateful you avoided all the drama of superficial friends
You'll spend less time crying in bed about it
And more time focusing on homework and studying
And, believe me, I know that sounds dull as hell
But it's gonna be during these times when you're happiest
You'll never smile more than when you ace a test
Or when grandpa claps at your essays
It's all more fulfilling than you think
But that's not what you're tryly worried about, huh?
It's the eyes, huh?
Everyone stares at you while you walk into school
School's a judgemental place
And that doesn't really stop either
But what does stop is your caring
You realize that you're a pretty good person
And if people don't want to get to know you because your skirt is too long
Or your shoes don't match your outfit
Then they're missing out
You'll feel bad for those who are too shallow to make genuine connections
The crying in bathrooms stops
The suffocating stops
The eyes stop.
Little me, the best part about your future isn't even the end of all your problems
You're gonna meet people and have experiences that make you put down the knife
You'll feel a lot more confident in this 'being alive' business
And even if the eyes are still on you
And you feel like you can't breathe again,
Just know that so many people love you
And there are so many who have yet to love you
And you need to give yourself the chance to love you too
Hold onto that hope.
An older, wise, but most importantly a lot happier