Over the hills and through the woods, 

by the bank of the creek,

Little Red Riding Hood stopped to take a drink.

The water was scummy and warmish and slow, 

and on the bank, red mushrooms did grow. 

Red were the caps, and they had little white stems

and white frilly skirts worn about them.

 

 Little Red hadn't paid attention 

when her wise grandmother said, "Listen.

This is something that you need to hear--

You can eat the chantrells, and the the truffles and morrells, 

you can even eat the oyster and white button. 

But whatever you do, cook them all the way through, and never be a glutton. 

And there are some little fungi you should never pick up, whether they be white, brown, or red:

the ones with the little frilly skirts on their middle, and slime on the caps of their head."

 

Without turning around, 

the little girl kneeled down,

and she tasted a bit of a ‘shroom.

The texture was quite strange, 

but she was glad for the change, 

so she ate till she had no more room.  

 

Looking up from her feast, her breath smelling of yeast, she glanced across the stream.

There was a wary grey wolf, but watching her intently enough; his slanted amber eyes held a gleam.

As she met his eye, she remembered her grandmother' s blueberry pie; carefully wrapped  up in her scarf. 

Realizing it was late in the day, the wolf went on his way, 

then Little Red began to barf.

After emptying her guts, she stumbled toward Grandma's hut, but realized the trees were no longer green;

They were purple and blue--a bit glittery too--and the sky was the weirdest colour that she'd ever seen.  

As she walked in the door, not sure if she was walked on the ceiling or the floor, she noticed her grandma in bed.

But Granny's teeth were long and sharp, her yellow eyes glowed in the dark, and there were furry grey ears on her head.

Then the whole house began to sway, the roof fell away, and the sky was filled with galaxies and stars. 

The walls started to spin, at the windows were strange faces trying to get in, and suddenly Grandma turned into a Thard. 

Little Red felt sad, then queasy and glad, then she fell to the floor with a thud.

She was dimly aware that there were snakes in her hair, and ants crawling in her veins instead of blood.

After what may have been hours, Red awoke in the shower, and there stood Grandma with her hands on her hips.

"Well, well young lady, you're looking a bit shaky; 

That must have been one hell of a trip."