Live your life

"Live your life" she says

But she doesn't really mean it

"Do what makes YOU happy" she says

But can't understand what I am doing

How then do I do what I wish?

How then do I satisfy the needs?

Tell me my supposed, supporting mother

What then am I left to do?

Am I supposed to play out the dream life you wished for me?

Torment myself day and night repeating the words

"I'll never be good enough"

I don't think so

I refuse to be held captive by your hypocritical comments and bad reactions

I refuse to let you control my life and take it away second by second with your negativity and suffocating words that pierce my inner being

I refuse to be swallowed by the self doubt you taint my form with, telling me I've gained weight and claiming I am never supposed to be that way

Have you any idea what that does to someone, to your own daughter?

I refuse to believe you don't

You don't realize the pain your own words cause

So much pain and turmoil I went in search of a knife that I never found

All you did was add insult to injury, so perhaps we all have our own talents

"She makes me happy mom!" I scream at you, only to receive a nasty growl in disapproval

You refused to say anything back and put on a show for me before you tell my brother the truth about how you truly feel

He tells me of course and you don't understand but that's fine for I have always understood you.

I'm smarter than you think and I will take the pain but one day it will be reversed you watch.

"The worst thing you can do is separate me from your life" and yet here you are leaving me no other option but this

Option after option and apology after apology for you.

I give you chance after chance to prove me wrong, to prove my thoughts about you wrong but you only keep on proving me right

you say you'll listen but you only scream

you say you want what's best for me but I know better than to believe the lies you spew to my face

You only spew them to cover the truth about your backstabbing nature as I discovered long ago

Now when you've already proven me wrong you begin to do the same thing to my brother, the one I care so deeply for

How can you do such a thing to a loving child?
Someone who believed you were the world but now sees you as nothing for the way you treated me

I can't wrap my head around the fact that you sit here and think you're entitled enough to ask us to call you mom or mommy

You lied, you still lie and if there is one lesson you taught me in my entire life it's that some people will never change

Just like you