Living

I’m breathing again My fingers have graced the pages of this notebook again The tip of my pen is finally hitting paper again And as the ink drips, I’m writing again I’m alive again. My blood's stained with loves lost, found, and gone again but I’m revived again A new story begins And as I realize that love’s crush was just that I believe again I have faith in my sins, because in the end I know that it’s all God’s will And Just for a moment I forgot and impatience sent chills Through my body and my mind; my soul couldn’t sit still But now I’m back at the quill, with my scroll on the desk I’m focusing on the present, forget about the rest I can’t change my yesterday, and my tomorrow hasn’t come yet I’m thinking about the object, that which I can touch Because If I think about the otherwise, my body does too much I’ve gotten to the point where enough is enough And hiding doesn’t do anything but make life more rough It’s that time to stay tough, although the battles already won And it’s surprising my heart hasn’t frozen like a gun Cold, cocked, and ready—two bullets in the chamber Ready to blow anybody’s brains out if they cause me any danger It’s getting hard to control the anger but I made a vow to myself that I wouldn’t linger I’d just wait for the man that would place that ring on my finger So that true love could set in and all my problems would scitter scatter out of my life and leave me with fresh life so pure and so true that I’d never have to worry about what others do A me and you type of thing Not just some fling Something real with some meaning But this ain’t a love story This is about me This is about how I realized the essence of being me This is about how my mind didn’t draw back this time My heart didn’t fall back this time My soul didn’t collapse this time My body was able to relax this time So I’m letting the pen talk back this time Because this time, my minds solid enough to just put it into a rhyme Because I’m evolving Inside and out Instead of resolving the same problems I’d already calculated a thousand times I just let it go This time when you took your love from me I didn’t cry Yes I was disappointed but I realized… You just talked good Yes, I was impressed But I’m no longer stressed By the ritual that you so eagerly pressed And instead of allowing myself the orgasm I’ve converted it into an ink spasm I’m ready to rule the world with my numbers 2’s and loose leafs Or at least the one I live in and call home ‘cause there have been too many false chiefs Too many prince charmings and too many mother fairies Too many spiritual deities and too many wise mother remedies I’ve had enough of the games—I am tired of losing my sanity It’s time to take back my own vanity in myself My ink pen leaks. So I’m breathing again My fingers have graced the pages of this notebook again The tip of my pen is finally hitting paper again And as the ink drips, I’m writing again I’m living again So as the sequel begins I’m remembering my sins Remembering that everybody loses but not everybody wins Remembering my battles and remembering my friends Remembering all my enemies and remembering why I’m here Thanking God for his mercy and all of his blessings I’m here today only because of him My father is proud only because of him And I was brought out only by the grace of him So I’m thanking him For giving me these fingers to write with And giving me these words to fight with I was lifeless But thankfully he made me tenacious And selfless so that I could see the me who I was becoming So instead of curing my lonely, I hear my pen moaning And I’m back to poetry Because nothing else was home to me Not sex, alcohol, or money My ink pen is leaking And again I’m breathing My fingers are gracing the pages And my pen is singing The ink is dripping And I am living.