Living..

Breath by breath

Step by step 

Word by word

I'm taking it day by day

I'm not living

I'm just standing still in a whirlwind 

Wondering what it is that I'm feeling, wondering how to make it go away

Temporary happiness, temporary laughter but only if I could say the same for the pain

I'm not living

Wishing I could say how I feel but I can't begin to even speak

My days are filled with silence and mental interrogation 

I smile only from the memories of the past wishing I held memories of the present

But moments are all I know now

I'm not living

I feel voids that I can't fill

I've tried every flavor and almost about every pill, please help me 

I'm not living

I'm drowning on the inside from my own tears

Do you know that feeling of wanting to cry out? But every tear seems to flow backwards just like your memories, just like every time you say you're okay but your words remind you your living a lie once again..

Nah I don't think you feel me 

I've lost all feeling to the world but I've found every pain mentally

I hear my own screams but can you hear me? Do you see me cry out for help?

I can't breath when I'm alone, anxiety takes my breath like that strangers cigarette 

Save me 

It hurts more to smile than to cry these days 

It hurts more to sleep than to be awake 

My days feel shorter and my nights longer

Watching the clock 

12, 2, 4 now 6 watching the sunrise with tears in my eyes

These hours filled with worries for my future praying I don't fail myself 

Hours filled with what if's, only if I would've

Hours filled with regrets

Hours searching for the words to say how I feel 

Hours Wishing I could pray but I feel as if I've failed the only person who has kept me alive

Man.. I don't know what's next

I want to feel again

I want to live again

I want to care again

Help me