Living Past Lies

They told me who I should be.

They told me what I should do.

I listened.

They told me how I should talk.

I listened.

They told me how to dress.

I listened.

They told me what to think.

I listened.

They told me how to act.

I listened.

I listened as they told me what was right and what was wrong.

Their voice became my voice.

Their thoughts became my thoughts.

Their mind joined with mine.

-

I almost forgot who I am.

I lost, lost my voice to the slow silent hum of the crowd.

I almost became a piece of their puzzle.

Spending life, fighting, screaming,

Whisking away a wish

for a dream of happiness.

Until one day I asked,

Oh the audacity of me!

Asked for something of my own

A reward for my loyalty

For being everything they asked me to do.

They spat in my face, on my brand new shoes.

Said I was funny, told me to go back

Go back to being a naive little dumbass

-

Vow this day, to only live for yourself

In my thoughts and actions, in my walk and talk

Never one to surrender, not even an inch

Time to return to, the man I forever am

No more button down shirts

Or tan cargo shorts

Onto Levi’s and V necks

With Leather jackets and sunglasses

Not afraid to intimidate, to dress my true form

Ive been through hell, and back

Here I am tougher than a nail

Young white man,

baseball umpire.

rough around the edges.

inside a great fire

No more acting, just the way they taught

A perfect gentleman, weak as a door Matt

Matt, you’ve changed! Why? Why?

I never had a person give me a chance

She always said no, when I asked her to dance

Until the day I figured out why:

Nobody can trust a man

Who believes everyone elses lies

Rebels, outcasts, out of the ordinary

My new group of friends, strange company

-

I am more than the man in the mask.

Standing behind home plate, calling the pitch.

Yell and scream, as I get it wrong

I am more than that man, but not by much

Baseball fields are where I grew up

Forced my way out of their lies

With a 6’4 coach screaming in my face

And a baseball rushing towards my eye

On the field, I learned to be confident

To trust my own mind, instinct and heart

When I get out there

I control my own life. And everything is good.

-

You see me now, not the fraud I was

More sure of myself, never grounded in doubt

With belief in what I know to be right and true.

A man, a man lives within you.

Marching to his own beat

For a young man is he

Bold to reject their lies

Proud to live like no other