Living in Thoughts

There’s things In my mind I sometimes struggle to find things like who I really am maybe if I look deep inside I'll me These Intrusive, antagonizing thoughts keep invading my mind like termites they lead me to believe that everyone will leave me & let me go There’s something massively explosive inside my beating chest emotions leaking like water roars down waterfalls The torturous emotional takes its toll Can’t tell what's real or thought I’m so disconnected from myself it’s like after something good happens the memory is suppressed taken locked up so good can't be heard, seen or remembered, explain that I can go from the happiest of enjoyments To exploding the angriest or saddest of tears the impulsivness behavior strains Why is it so hard to get this under control I have many conversations inside my head Like there's something inside me saying Do this, Do that Your going to be alone You minds well be gone I've struggled with mental health problems/ issues since I was young Just try to imagine this My legs, wrists and even chest The thoughts would stop through the blood staring pain Not really having help just bad memories I’m an adult now and nothings really changed except for being told there’s a disorder in my brain Now I don’t want attention I need attention but hate to ask I need some affirmation I know nobody cares, loves or enjoys this monster I know I'm mental I TRY!