Lofty Thoughts

Like a track runners heart, my head throbs from the over filled capacity of thoughts and noises and daydreams. I feel as though I’m sane but all my thoughts are far from it. I get high and float above the noise just far enough to where they become low muffles, like sounds underwater. Nothing shushes them completely because whenever I have a minute to think those thoughts come speeding back forcing that warm clear liquid from the back of my eyes. Try to contain it but it rushes out like the Niagra, pouring and pouring like orange juice to a glass in the early morning. Sometimes I have those moments though ,for a split second, I have a good laugh and the voices quiet it quick with it’s demanding squeals of domination over my mind. Shake this feeling I can not, believe me I’ve tried. There is no escape, there’s no way to hide. The shrieks have become a part of me and I doubt I’ll never have a moment without them. Like a blade to wrists they’re slicing my mind. Like a daddy’s girl to her father’s pockets, it’s bleeding me dry. All I can do is accept them since I am the one that made them. Made them with my actions, the choices I’ve made and it’s all catching up to me. I can’t even try to persuade them to go away, it’s all in my head. I fear not the sinister voices of people around because the ones in my head do the most damage. Its as if my train of thought has derailed but it’s not fully off the tracks. So other train’s chug through and crash and crash and pound into mine. But I can not move it, it is too heavy and I am to weak. With every tug and pull at it I break inside more. Until I finally fall down and my tears coat the stalks of grass wet like freshly washed hair. Sitting there I light once more and float off again. Just above the noises and voices and cries and squeals and shrieks that slowly diminish my existence. Until next time.