LOL

I sit in my room and I try to fall asleep.

With no luck, I'll sit in the dark and I won’t make a peep

I’ll sit and I’ll stare at my next message,

I’ll type a text to my friends using my favorite acronym” LOL”.

Everyone is asleep, so I have no one to tell

The last person who cared left me broken in pieces 

like a glass window after a break-in

Or bones after someone decides to take one last step off a mountain; 

A mountain of pain and misery that they build for themselves.

I lay awake reading every book on my shelves

So, I can lose myself in a world of emotions that are not my own.

All I do is stare at my phone for the next high;

Or the next hey

That someone will give me on my Instagram feed.

I will get a text asking for help and I will do just that,  

I will call it my next good deed.

Beep goes my phone and its another name, another call, another meme;

Which I responded with another “LOL”.

When do I get the chance to feel at peace in my own skin?

When do I get to feel like I did something right?

Maybe that day will come, but by then

my lease will end

And it will cycle over and over

As I sit in my room... and I try to fall asleep.