Looking Back
Location
Five hundred and forty eight days ago
You told me to believe
You told me to have faith
That where we were now
and where we could be
was what we created
That together
and not alone we can
Define that word
Yes that word
That disgusting word
a word
that causes so much pain and suffering
and yet gives happiness
It blinds us
It blinded me
Happiness
was felt on the four hundred and eightieth day
exactly 68 days before today
But 69 days ago I didn't want this
I didn't want us
I went along with the ride because
it was what seemed right at the time
But I wasn't so sure
The transition from laughter to tears
was like a seesaw
going back and forth
and up and down
Like this beating thing in my chest
was yours to play with
But it's not a game
But I was blind and stupid
So I played your game
and with emotions high
I allowed myself to live in a fragile state for you to suffocate me with this word
A word that can fool anyone
and like a Venus Flytrap you waited for when
i believe i was at my strongest
engorging myself in the sweet bullshit you fed me
only for you to snap shut
leaving me not knowing which way was out
I believed you
I thought what you told me five hundred and forty eight days ago was true
I believed in the word I dare not speak
But you've grown to despise it
and hate me with it
I received your anger
your hate
what you wanted to end
I wanted to fight for
You gave up on the idea of what it could be
Here i am running into the door you slammed in my face
It left me feeling empty
You left me feeling empty
So now
Day 1
Here am I
Recovering
to be the same