Looking Back

So much has happened so far and I don’t know if I can do this on my own. My senior year is in progress and I’m realizing that it’s time to put down the play toys and put my big shoes on to find my place in this world. How can this already be happening to me, it was just yesterday we were playing in the sand box and saying when I grow up I can’t wait to be…….. Oh! How I miss childhood, the long days we had, the not caring about anything just having fun. We have now aged to a point where we let society take over us and turn us into something we said we would never be. When we grow older we also lose our excitement over the little things and the love of life. We now have to find what love really means and we now have to face our fears instead of running away from them. But because of some of the things we have faced it has made us strong and we realize that we have learned how to be a child again. My opinion is that we never really grow up we just find out who we were meant to be and it’s our choice to decide between right or wrong. Even some adults start to miss when time stopped and they lived in the moments and stayed young. Remember the times when we had to have other people get the things we couldn’t reach or even when we were sad someone would just cheer us up with ice cream or when  everyone you met was your friend even remembering the age of when boys could be friends with girls without making it a big deal.

As we become adults we forget about the moments when we felt invincible now have learned that we aren’t and when we hurt we can’t heal as easy as we use to. Our love of life as a child got us to question it now for example when we believed in happy ever after and that superheroes had real powers and they would save us from trouble, now it’s just something to make kids happy and to keep them believing but then when they grow up they realize it was all made up. As we grow up we learn the things we wish we knew when we were younger.  As we learn again as adults we start to remember the things we had, the memories of younger times the little fragments that led us to where we are now. One thing we need to learn from childhood is never forget to look back and think about the happy moments. People say don’t look back at the past and they are right but there is a limit to look back we can look back at the good times and even to certain times were there was danger and regret but it taught us a lesson. We learn from the past so that our future is better and it’s worth remembering.

            Over the past years of my childhood times I have learned a lot about myself that will let me be successful and by discovering my special qualities to help others I have made a difference in the way I look at life. Some of the things I have learned about myself are leadership skills, being organized and being self aware of the things around me. Looking back to certain things in my high school experience I can tell you I have put these qualities to the test. Some of the things that I have really learned about myself is that I like to meet and communicate with people, yet still to a certain extent remain detached from them.  When I face difficult problems in life I have found out that I am excellent at taking a step back and finding the right solution then taking action. Just like everyone else I have flaws, I have realized that I am stubborn, once I have my mind made up there isn’t much you can do to change it. I decide how to treat you mostly based on the way you treat me. My mind is so wide with imagination that its complicated for me to explain what I feel and see exactly. Another good quality about myself  is that I  will never mind doing something crazy and I will never regret doing it . One of my many mind talents is that  I can read people very well and know the second I meet you if I want you in my life or not. I can be your best friend, or  worst enemy, or even your  best team player I say that because there are times when I may come around as rough and hard but im actually suprisngly sensitive and easy to hurt. You might learn to figure out that I might seem very open at points  but there is always at least one different thing I hide from everyone, you will even see there are moments where I  can go from being playful, humorous and fun to quiet, detached and unemotional in a few seconds.  My best quailty that shows my compassion towards others  is that I  would rather not discuss my problems, I want to solve yours the reason is because  I am born to lead not because i want the role I just naturally have that quality. Being a leader to me is being someone who isn’t afarid to do something to make sure people are happy when I might be having a bad day. I want people to find their voice and feel that they are important too.

Something that you will learn about me is that I’m very genuine because I will give you the world but I will give up on you if you give me nothing in return the reason for that is because I am the kind of person who sticks around no matter how badly I have been hurt but if I have been hurt to much and I feel that there is nothing for me to do I will let go. One of the hardest decisions I will ever have to make in life is chooing whether to walk away or to try harder. My peers around me have learned that I am one of the best people you can be friends with because I am very loyal, honest and trustworthy I will always have your back in any situation. Even through all the good things about me I have found some of my set backs for example I can’t help but to be drawn to the unusual,the unordinary, or the forbidden. I have a desire for the danger to be challeged and to let it teach me that I cant be indestrucive. In my life of school and with working with others I have learned that  If you want something from me just ask don’t hint or play games just be straight up because I’m very hard to fool I am very good at picking up on what is really going on and putting the pieces together. What makes me a good leader is that when I am comfortable around you , I’ll seem like the craziest person you know and that happens because I always try to give and seek a different point of view. I love to learn from other people and see the way they question life.

Just by looking back and questioning life I have learned a lot about myself and by discovering myself I have discovered what Iwould like to pursue in the near future. I would like to receive a degree in agricutural communications, the reason I’m intersted in this is because I enjoy being around different people and learning from them and being in a community where agricutural is at I would like to inform other people about where they get there needs to live and to see if they question the real world picture which is what where do you get your food and clothes from? I would like to major in that and by being a leader in the worlds largest non profit orginazation the FFA I have the leadership skills that it takes and I would love to attend Kanasas State University after I get my degree I would like return to my childhood dream of  becoming  an actor. I have being acting since I was a young age and fell in love with it but the real reason why I want to be an actor is to go to hollywood and show to people that not all actors are self centered and not let fame go to their heads and remain true to themselves. I know by the end of my senior year and before I  truly start my next chapter of life by moving on to college I will think about the journey that has gotten me to where I am now. The hard times the 100 mile per hour insane rides that I have faced, the friends that I have lost and gained. All the many test that life through at me and how I over come them. Being aware of my failures but moving on to make it better not by living in the past. I know that I am not perfect and I am glad about that because if I was then I would never of found who I am and I would of never let my character define me.

 

Guide that inspired this poem: 

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741