Losing Friends, Moving on.

I sit in my mothers car talking to my best friend’s boyfriend about life. I see barge lights reflecting off the river through my rearview mirror, and I wish that she was sitting next to me right now. Everything becomes blurry as my tear filled eyes adjust, I realize I am pouring my entire heart out to a complete stranger, but it doesn’t matter because crying in front of him is easier than her. After ten years of begging for opportunities, I’m afraid to leave this town. I wish I could tell her that life is changing, and now isn’t the time to be distant. A lump gathers in my throat as I tell him, “just tell her that I miss her,” but I know deep inside not to expect any messages any time soon. She has her new hobbies, and I have plans to move away and be alone for awhile. For something that I thought I desperately needed, it comes at too great of a cost. I would do anything to keep them, if they would take me… But I know now, already, that my past is too far gone.