Losing a loved one

With a gun to his chest, wounds self inflicted:

What were his last moments like?

As he bled out, face down in the grass;

all alone with his final thoughts.

The night my best friend took his own life.

My imagination runs wild:

What did it sound like to hear his mother’s screams when she found him that morning?

How agonizing:

to hold his lifeless body.

Her first child.

Trying desperately to find a sign that somehow he could still be alive.

Hoping that it wasn’t too late.

That somehow, he would snap out of it.

Begging him to come back to us.

So much pain and anger inside of me.

How could he be so selfish? 

How could he do this to us?

I blamed myself.

Clouded vision,

what incredible guilt.

I could have done something.

Trade me places.

Take the pain away;

It’s too unbearable.

Until now,

years later.

I cherish his memory,

although at times is painful.

Remember the laughter,

remember the joyful moments spent together.

I never thought I would get to this point.

I’m stronger than I thought.