Losing Me

As words breach lips causing question and confusion, I’m left wondering why I’m fighting while I sit so tired of all the battles that came before.

Your words are like cannons crashing into an army of emotions already damaged. 

All I can do is listen as your voice cracks and anger washes from your face and grief takes over. 

How did we get here?

I’m left wondering, as flashes from the past cloud my memory, jumping me back and forth from reality and sweet bliss. 

Zoned out for a second too long, realization comes over me knowing I just lost the battle when I watch you walk away with seemingly no regret.

I’m left alone.

With all the broken pieces you once promised to put together. 

Look at us now.

My younger self would be ashamed of me, letting you free, when I know you never wanted to be.

I let you walk away.

I walked away from us by letting you go home alone and confused.

I’m so sorry.

I couldn’t speak despite telling myself to,

I couldn’t walk despite begging my legs to move forward, 

I couldn’t think as tears filled my eyes.

I was lost on how to proceed with conquering the challenge that sits between us, humbling.

As if to mock me,

Show me I’m not as strong as I once believed myself to be.

A task that seems like too much to take on before even getting a chance to start. 

I’m alone on this side,

Not even sure you’re trying on your side to get to me.

But why would you?

I broke your heart.

Even if I let my hand out and reached for you,

Would you even try to grab it?

Could you trust me one final time?

To save you from destroying yourself?

I’ll always love you.

Will you love me too?

Even through this?

Even if it means letting me go?

Letting me let you go?

Could you love me then?

I would not be strong enough,

To lose you.

Losing me.