Lost

Dad

Father

I don’t even know what to call you at this point

Maybe I should stick with disappointment

Oh sorry is this not a good time for you to be a father

Sorry I’ll just try again in a couple more years just to make sure its convienent for you

Oh you have a new family

Well good for you

Good to know the one you had didn’t satisfy your need for dominance

Maybe it's just the level of testosterone in your body is more than double the amount of fathering skills you could ever acquire

Sorry we didn’t worship you like the god you think you are

Standing upon that  pedestal of yours

You think you stand so high and mighty

But every one stands above you

You think you are at your highest but sadly to say my friend you are not

On your way digging farther and farther into the depths of hell you pushed everyone down into their darkest

You take your pride and wear it like a crown around your kingdom of fallen families that you left behind to sink into their own pit of despair to drown in the sorrow you forced them to suffer in

Damn you for doing the things you have to us

To me

Damn you for letting me think you were going to come home to me

Bringing my hopes up but then crushing them down in the pavement like a burnt out cigarette

Leaving scars of your fading touch on every part of my aching body

The marks you made on me hurt more than the ache of the sharpest words

The touch of your hands on the hidden places of me still haunt me in my deepest thoughts

Making me fear away from the touch of any loving hands

But yet I crave the love I never got from you

Look what you've done to me!

You have sent me into the depths of the darkest depression

With only the touch of a raging hand and the words that come out of your unpromising mouth

But I’m fine

Yeah I’m fine

I will just continue living life like I have been

Leaving the thoughts of pain for the night

Cause when the sun goes down the tears come like a dam unleashing the raging waters kept by it

But the moment the sun comes back up

The dam is closed letting the waters build back up again just to be released when the day ends

But the sun is up

So I have to go back to the daytime reality

I have to at least try and be a normal teenager

And believe what they think

That everything can always be fixed with a little bit of weed and antidepressants

But that’s not how it works

So I sit back and watch everyone else have a good time

But sooner or later you always give up and let what they say become your reality

So you let everything they say become your life

Because your life is no longer yours

Its theirs

You let them control who you are and what you are gonna be

It's only a little bad for you

No one has to know

So what effect will it have

You don’t know or care

Because they don’t

So why should it matter to you

Those people were there for you and took care of you when daddy didn’t

So they must care more for you then daddy ever did

They were all I thought I had

They control your mind

They make you think that they are all you have

So you let them numb your entire body so all the pain melts away

And they let you believe that your happy

They put it into your head that this is what you wanted

The pain is gone for a little bit

So why should it matter how

Daddy isn’t here to make it all go away

so here

Take this

It will make all the sorrow go away

It will all melt out of you

The time will slow and make you think of only what’s around you

Your pain will be gone for a couple hours

Who cares if a few memories slip out of your mind

You won’t remember that they are gone anyways

It will just make like feel easier

So keep going

Don’t you dare stop

Do this until your numb

If you can feel who you are you need more

The more you keep going

The faster everything you had slipped away from you

Every past memory

To remember it's like trying to remember a past dream

You get glimpses of what is was

But you can never fully remember

So you do this day after day

Trying to forget what daddy has done to you