i got a call two summers ago

that managed to strike my heart cold

no air in my lungs no faith in my soul

fear settled in me

a voice whispered guilty

angry and ashamed and stupid

i shut myself away

 

putting on my fake smile everyday

i waved hey to my new friends

acting like im comfortable

i tell my fears like it is gossip

how they enjoy to take in my pain

but it is the attention i had craved for so long

its just not the same people

look hard enough and maybe you will see that im tearing at the seams

 

at first i felt pain and grief and heartache

look at me now

i feel nothing nothing nothing

go to sleep go to school go to therapy repeat

lets see what she can coax out of me

will the paperwork show i'm better if i lie?

if i die?

 

ten months after

my transparent bruises heal

now i get calls

that end in sweet somethings

because in losing myself

i found myself

and it was worth the agonizing wait