Lost Beginnings Found Endings

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 15:17 -- siesiej

What’s a beginning? The first, a start?

For I believe in no beginning to this art.

I have written these same words, felt these same feelings.

I have painted these same problems and colored in my same solutions.

You don’t get a beginning, you get a continuance.

But a true artist knows that the best creations are fresh.

Like the pile of strawberries you left me on my front step.

It was a Sunday and in some way, my heart was speechless.

And rightfully so! After all of the crying, complaining, and questioning of my woe.

Although energy and gravity’s opinion intertwined with mine may clash

I know that it is easier to hold on, then to let go of your past.

We simply don’t feel because our hearts are lazy and passive

We simply hurt because our hearts are diligent and active.

Well gosh! Who knew knowledge was so detrimental

All the things you can learn and experience when you are sentimental

They would say that my emotions were my detriment

Nay! My emotions helped me to apply and reach common sense.

Tears of mine have cried

And my eyes have teared

The warmth of cupid’s fluids helped me to see clear

Now I know who’s dear and sincerely close in mind

I know who deserves nothing more than to whom it may concern

And a closing of signed, right next to the initial of mine.

As much as I love art, it’s usually caged, secluded, trapped, lost, then found and caught

Like memories, like feelings

I don’t want picture frame memories, stained glass feelings, and a statue of regret

I want to live

I want to be in progression not depression

And who wouldn't’t be when you’re trapped in a frame

I’ve had my share of feelings hung on the wall

This is why we can always recollect

What we see every day we surely never forget

So we run!

Our hearts are pacing, our minds are racing about what we should have

What we could have, what we would have, what we have now, and what we use to and never could have

Until you reach the bathroom door

And by the time Love comes to try and save you by knocking

You’ve already flushed your humanity down the toilet of nothingness

You are an O without shape

A word without definition

A sentence without preposition

An existence without reason

Weather without seasons

Now we’re in question, illusions, regression

Sniffing for conclusions, what a bloody mess!

You can’t find yourself or soul at the bottom of the bottle

Tip of the knife, edge of the cliff

Bullet within the gun, loudness within the music.

You’ll never find it. It’s so far gone, somewhere with you.

We are all delusional, all insane, and all eccentric

We let our happiness pass us by

And they wonder why we were never stopped by “why”

Anyone could’ve done something

But everyone expects someone to do everything

So no one did anything

And nothing was done.

We hurt those who helped us heal

We leave those who we made stay

We pursue those who purse themselves

And reject those who pursue us

We sit in silence and let the awkwardness build within our lungs

Capacity filling

Our guilt kicking like a 6 month pregnancy of mistakes

Time is flying but we can’t move

Our emotions become mute and are hidden under our pride

So we have to hide inside

And let off a rough exterior just to scare away the one person we were never afraid of

Why!

Why do we do this

Drown in sorrow, dehydrate in bliss

Cry about the ones we miss

Reminisce about the ones we kissed

Add them to the bathroom list

We all hide but everything is shown in the light

I know night is dark, but God gave us stars for light that are so bright

I know your path is blurry, but God gave us eyes for sight

I know love is hard, but God gave us our hearts and each other to fight

I’m an evergreen, because I’m neverblue

As long as you’re around, it’s like I never knew

What pain was, how it feels

If I’m dreaming, if it’s real

You were my star that glowed in my darkness

You were my eyes that saw my pain

You were my heart that didn’t let me change

Your love is foreign and we fear what we don’t know

Sometimes I unconsciously let my fears show

I’m not mad, I’m terrified, and I don’t want to let you go!

To know that it does exist, amazing people like you, not blue

Our relationship cannot be defined

Our hurt does not stop time

Forgive me, sometimes I’m swine

With a craving for you, you are wine

Because you get better with age, more interesting with each page, you’re my succession, even obsession

Please don’t ever leave, if so I’ll be lost

Fighting with you sometimes to have you here all the time, is worth the cost

Your presence keeps me winning

I continue with you because you are not my end, you are my beginning, fresh

Like the strawberries you left me on my front step <3

 

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