Loud scream for help

As I lay in my bed at night while wild thoughts run through my head. I began to wonder will I ever be okay ,

will I ever be happy but the thing is no one knows how I feel no one knows the loud scream I give when I fake a smile or laugh it's a call for help ,

it's like I feel so numb inside and my body aches at the thought of me wanting to breathe it's like I can't anymore ,

like someone's already killed me in the inside

i wanna stop feeling tourtured.

i want my bones to stop aching and feeling This numb feeling.

The more and more I get older the more I realize life is kicking my butt harder and harder.

And there's no way I can stop it.

well there is but that's not how I wanna get rid of this hurt. 

I just wanna feel okay again.