this is love.

My voice trembled

as I sat in the chair 

warm, soft, inviting

uncomfortable.
 

To this stranger I had never met
I told on hIM.
 

hE.
Not much older than me
shut the door
told me to takeoffmyclothes
and mOLESTED me.

over ten years.
silence            and aGAIN
silence            and aGAIN
please                      yet aGAIN
silence            and aGAIN
waiting           fOREVER?
 

Tell me.

Mommy?

Daddy?

Why do I have to love hIM?
But why?     
...         
fine.

 

In this chair

which I sat

the years I took

the time I wavered

in speaking up

doubting

thinking

...But we're family!

No.
It is wrong             b e c a u s e             hE is family.

waiting...

time.

tears.

and hE is gone.

 

but. why. am. i. still. lost?

 

 

-----

 

 

in the time

that i have tried

to heal

on my own

i have realized

 

healing is hard.

i was warned

that love

a relationship

intimacy

 

it would be scary.

yet still

when spring came

i could not resist

 

its allure.

i fell in love.

with a man

who loves me

just the same.

 

he invigorates me,

cares for me,
dreams of me,
empowers me.

i look at him.

i see my lover.

i see a spouse.

i see my future.

every day
i am aware
of my beating heart
of how lucky i am
to have a guy 
who is willing
to help heal me.

this is love.

this is love.

this IS love.