this is love.

My voice trembled

as I sat in the chair

warm, soft, inviting

uncomfortable.

To this stranger I had never met

I told on hIM.

hE.

Not much older than me

             shut the door

             locked me in

             and tOUCHED me.

over ten years.

silence            and aGAIN

silence            and aGAIN

please                     yet aGAIN

silence            and aGAIN

waiting           fOREVER?

Tell me.

    Mommy?

         Daddy?

                      Why do I have to love hIM?

                      But why?     

                      ...          

                      fine.        

In this chair

which I sat

                 the years I took

                 the time I wavered

                 ...But we're family!

No.

It is wrong             b e c a u s e             hE is family.

                  waiting...

                                     time.

                                                    tears.

and hE is gone.

but. why. am. i. still. lost?

-----

in the time

that i have tried

to heal

on my own

i have realized

                                            healing is hard.

                i was warned

                that love

                a relationship

                intimacy

                                            it would be scary.

                              yet still

                              when spring came

                              i could not resist

                                            its allure.

                                                      i fell in love.

                                                      with a man

                                                      who loves me

                                                      just the same.

he invigorates me,

cares for me,

dreams of me,

empowers me.

        i look at him.

        i see my lover.

        i see a spouse.

        i see my future.

                 every day

                 i am aware

                 of my beating heart

                 of how lucky i am

                 to have a guy who is willing

                 to help heal me.

                          this is love.

                          this is love.

                          this IS love.