Love and Hate

 

Love and Hate 

    I was always told that hate is a strong word, and I have been raised to accept that completely. There aren't too many people that I can say I hate in this world. It takes a tremendous amount of distrust and a great deal of anger to hate someone. But if you think about everything, Love and Hate go  hand and hand because they both share the same intense level of emotion, despite being opposite

. When people say the word “hate”, the only thing that comes to mind is my mom. When I was four years old, my mother walked out on my family, leaving me and my siblings alone with our father. Growing up I had to teach myself life lessons by searching “what if’s” and “how to’s” on google because I was often times, too embarrassed to ask someone else. I was a girl growing up without a mother or a mother figure.

        Being raised by my dad has made me into the person I am proud to be today. Had my father not stepped up, it’s hard to imagine what experiences and opportunities my life would be filled with. Watching my dad struggle to pay bills and trying to take care of me and my sister was painful to watch, because I was not able to help him. Having my dad play the role of both my mother and my father pushes me to succeed and to pursue my ultimate goals in life, which includes graduating from college. This was a milestone my own dad was not able to achieve.

Growing up in this way, without a mother, and with a father who works long hours, has  allowed me to be more  independent and resourceful than my peers. Whether it was coming home to an empty house and completing homework alone while my dad worked,  needing to figure out my own rides to and from school events, or picking up babysitting jobs for extra cash to help out, my high school years were not always as care-free as my teammates and classmates.

I definitely feel as though my father’s dedication to affording me as many opportunities and experiences as possible,  has also shaped my outlook on success.  My father’s motive and mission was to offer me a brighter future than his own. I  want to apply my gift of  appreciation, passion and determination to be able to depend on my abilities to achieve my goals. Going to college with this positive attitude will enable me take advantage of all the opportunities college has in store.

       For as long as I can remember, my dad has been there for me- physically and emotionally. In addition to the basics like food and shelter, he has always made himself available to me for advice or guidance. The best example I have of this quality of his, was when he was forced to make a decision about keeping a shift at work.  

       At the end of the day, as I sit here and reflect on life’s many gifts, I am left feeling grateful. Many young women in my position maybe emotionally “stuck” over feeling the reject that comes from having a mother walk out. I have actually used that initial hate for my mom, to morph into love. That single decision that she made one day, forced my father to stand up in ways he’d never imagined he would need to. As the beneficiary of all these decisions that the adults around me have made, I am left feeling filled with love. I love that I got to witness the work ethic of my father. I love that I was raised in an environment of focus and determination. I love that I was raised with specific goals that I am positioned to achieve. More than all of this, I was taught to love me..

 

 

 

 

Raquel Brown